It's early in the morning. Or very late at night. On Wednesday. I mean Thursday.
I'm a new mom. And I'm exhausted. Saying it out loud helps.
She was born 5 weeks ago and she's unbelievable. Unbelievable in that she's beautiful, mysterious, precious. Also unbelievable in that I honestly still can't believe that a tiny hand wraps itself around my finger.
Everyone tells me to talk to her more, that she needs to come to understand language patterns. I certainly try, but for some reason I can't put a sentence together to greet the UPS man, let alone effectively transfer rhythmic language patterns to my daughter's developing brain. So, I sing Motown songs to her. Seems like that should work. She should measure nicely against the babies with nannies that only speak Mandarin. I mean, how many of those babies will be able to belt out Stevie Wonder on demand? Exactly.
I know that, beyond this fog I'm living in, there will be smiles, steps, sleep. Purpose.
I struggle with my qualifications for it, whether I'm enough. I think about how to better approach my own professional and creative future, redefined by her arrival. Fueled by wanting her to be proud.
I often forget to put socks on her. Well, not often. Always. I'm learning to forgive myself for it. Maybe she'll be a yogi who never needs to wear socks. One who knows every word to Stevie Wonder's greatest hits. Not exactly the resume of the next Secretary of State but she's only 5 weeks old. She'll be fine, right?
Right?
I'll do better tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Great post, great mommy. You're doing wonderfully well. I used ot always say that babies can hear their Mommys' voices through osmosis. Just look at how she's looking at you. She knows what you're thinking. Before long you'll be talking to yourself anyway,and that counts too. And FWIW, none of my three ever wore socks, shoes or even outfits for the first months of their lives. Long sleeve or short sleeve side snaps, then onesies, then rompers and sleep and plays. Even with two of them born in the dead of winter. Hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Larisa - socks are to motherhood like Martha Stewart is to cooking. Just there to intimidate us.
ReplyDeleteHey Meg! I thought all of the same things you did when my son was first born. Glad to know I wasn't alone. I didn't talk much either to him (I kinda felt weird talking to him even though he couldn't speak back) but he is now 22 months an I honestly can't wait to stop hearing my voice so much and hear his little precious voice talk back to me! Everyone says "just wait, you will wish him to shut up"....but I honestly can't wait for all the questions and be able to pass my knowledge onto him! Hell, my son already loads and unloads the laundry already! Soon enough you will start feeling more and more like yourself (less sleep deprived)! I never thought I could accomplish something so "BIG" in my life by bringing my son into this world! I know you feel the same way about your daughter! Keep up the good work! Your doing a superb job! That little girl of yours loves you SO much!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing wonderful!! This totally made me cry reading it on my phone driving in to work this morning. Pregnancy hormones much you think?! Let me know when you guys are free one night and I'll drop off some dinner. Hang in there...hopefully sooner, rather than later, she'll sleep through the night and you'll feel like a new woman. XOXO
ReplyDelete