Unlovin' the Oven

It's no secret there's no love lost between our kitchen and myself. But it's nothing compared to how much I loathe the oven. I've been burned too many times. If the kitchen is the guy in high school that I overheard calling me "Casper" because of my tanless, corpse-like skin, the oven is the guy I caught kissing the blond girl in the coatroom when he was supposed to be my date for the Valentine's Dance. All hypothetical of course. A-hem.

It's surely the oven's fault that I have burns up and down my arms from pulling out the black food it produces. Not only must the temperature be inaccurate, the design is such that makes me certain I have freakishly long, circus arms. Recently, when a few stray, roasted brussel sprouts were left behind during my awkward pull-out, the whole apartment smelled like them for days. I probably should have taken them out before cooking again, right? Solid point. I'll take it into consideration.

I found a solution. Forget the oven. Accept that there is no chemistry there. Move on and give another appliance a chance.

Cook in the dishwasher.

This recipe for Dishwasher Salmon, courtesy of Real Simple, is the answer to my oven issues and the cure to what could appear to strangers to be a teenage "cutting" addiction. This recipe made me believe again. Believe that we can all escape convention and find success in our own unique methods. Believe that even though I really hate salmon, I'm going to dump a whole lot of it in my dishwasher tonight and turn it on permanent press (the husband does the dishes) and when I open it, I will have a lovely, omega 3-rich meal and zero burns on my incredibly pasty white arms.

So long, Oven. Real love doesn't hurt.