Verbal Leakage

It's been quite a summer. We leave it a stronger couple, but not without learning a few hard lessons. The following scenarios detail two ways to handle the inevitable residue from a tough situation. Wrongly and even more wrongly.

Way to handle it #1: During an awkward elevator silence with a very sweet man who works in my office building, I once blurted out our pregnancy news ridiculously prematurely. Cut to this week.

Sweet man from my office building: Looks like you're coming along nicely there! You have that glow to go along with it!
Me: (a little stunned): Thanks! Yep, feelin' great...and..."glowy!" (And suddenly very fat)

Way to handle it #2: Over dinner at our favorite pub near our apartment, which is also the site of our first date, I once blurted the news to our waitress ridiculously prematurely. Cut to yesterday.

Waitress: What can I get you? (Memory is triggered and then glances at my mid-section)
Me: Pinot Grigio please.
Waitress: (Mix of disgust, confusion and the beginning signs of sympathy) Right. Pinot Grigio.

Since I'm a woman who learns from her mistakes, I did my best to nip this one in the bud. Upon her return with my Pinot Grigio, I said the following:

Me: Thanks, I'll have the Southwestern Salad. I'm not pregnant anymore.

Husband becomes fascinated with his menu.

Waitress (all bodily blood rushes to her face): OH! OH THAT'S OK. NO, THAT'S FINE. OK. GREAT. KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO BRING YOU SOME SHOTS!

Shots? Seems strangely....celebratory....but alrighty.

In the end, the husband downed the shot because we all know how kind he is to waitstaff and promptly left her a 50% tip. He then made it clear that should we ever be blessed again, I will keep it close to the vest until the child turns 3. I agreed.